


'Til Break of Day

by Eravalefantasy



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13868574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eravalefantasy/pseuds/Eravalefantasy
Summary: Skyhold was their protection, their sanctuary, but for the Inquisitor Skyhold offers no rest. Nightmares plague her nights. Warnings of an unknown foe, a path and a choice.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheRareFereldanCatLord](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRareFereldanCatLord/gifts).



Without rest, days and nights blended into a haze; Sofia feared sleep as much as she craved it, but the need to stay awake consumed her. She’d dragged the sofa as close to the fireplace as possible; her limbs begged for rest, their ache growing in each step.

She’d not heard the runner deliver her evening tea; leaning as close as she dared to the flames, the increasing pain enough to prevent her from giving in to urge to sleep.

Sweat beaded and dripped from the top of her head to her chest, her discomfort a futile attempt to eradicate the images in her head. The dreams only plagued her when they would return to Skyhold; the night terrors didn’t attack her on the road.  

The dream never changed. No variation to soothe her troubled mind, and no reprieve; their refuge had become her nightmare.

_It always began in flame. Stone rooms bathed torchlight offered no warning to a hidden foe. Shouts and screams of words unknown to her preceded the clash of metal; a horn sounded in the distance calling forth the enemy with a song so deep and menacing it chilled her. The voices of her companions joined the chaos leading them into battle until the sum of its parts crescendo into the inevitable truth- they would not survive._

A hand touched her shoulder, every muscle reacting at once to the fright, the sofa pulled away from the fire. She braced for an expected blow; a large shadow blocking her escape. Even the sound of a familiar voice and warm hands couldn’t shake the fear and panic from her.

Bull removed his hand from Sofia’s shoulder, her flinch and brace against him made little sense. When a runner had entered the Rest, the young woman didn’t search the tavern as most did; a pointed stare right at Bull grabbed his attention. He was used to strange looks and side glances, even after so much time, many still unsure what to make of him and the Chargers. The hurried and determined weave of the runner through the evening crowd, not once breaking her gaze alerted Bull of a problem. _Sofia_ , he thought, _something’s happened_.

He’d taken the stairs almost too quickly, surprised at his urgency, but when he saw her leaning too close to the fireplace he’d reacted without considering the situation. He’d have to ease her fear to discover what had taken place.

“Sof,” Bull said, her panicked eyes and breathing worried him. She fought against his hands, frightened. “Sofia, it’s me.” She shook her head without responding, red hair covering her face.  “Shit.” Bull turned back to the runner. “Get Dorian, tell him to bring Solas.” The runner nodded once, heading for the stairs, Bull calling out as she ran. “He’s in the Rest!”

Turning back to Sofia, Bull softened his tone to soothe her. “Do you know who I am?” Bull asked his question, tenderness coating his words.

Sofia’s fright lessened, her pupils constricting in the firelight. “Yes,” she said.

“Another nightmare?”

Rather than answer, she nodded.

Helping her to sit, he turned to grab a chair and Sofia’s fear returned. “No, don’t. . .don’t leave.”

He smiled. “Wasn’t planning on it, Sof. Do you want to talk about it?”

_Stone walls bathed in torchlight. Confusion, uncertainty and then, “Hissrad!”_ Sofia shook the image from her head. “Hissrad.” Sofia heard the word again and again; not knowing its meaning, the anticipation of its utterance terrified her.

“Where. . .where did you hear that?” Bull’s posture tightened.

“It’s a warning, I think. Something in my dream,” she said, closing her eyes to see the image unobstructed. “Do you know its meaning?”

“Yeah, I know it. A name I prefer to forget.”

Staring at him, her eyes glistened with threatening tears. “You have to help me, Bull. Whenever we are here, the dream comes. That. . .name, and then-”

The interruption, regardless of his soft tone, surprised Sofia. “It’s a nightmare Sof. It’s not real.”

Dorian called from the stairs, arriving first with Solas not far behind. “We’re here!”

Sofia’s tearful eyes held Bull’s attention, a short jerk of his head in Sofia’s direction his only response.

“And I assume this is more of the same?” Dorian asked, he didn’t need to rehash what he suspected. Sofia had explained it before. Whenever Sofia rested in Skyhold, horrible nightmares plagued her rest, forcing her to stay awake.  

“Dorian, you need to fix this.”

“Yes, Bull we’ve been through this. What would you suggest? Shall I entreat the lady’s nightmares to leave her be? Allow me to schedule a tea or perhaps an evening affair to tire them out. There is no magic to _fix this_ as you have repeatedly demanded.” He sighed. “I have little doubt to the strain this is causing, but at most, we might prepare a draught, something to help the lady sleep.”

Sofia stood, hands clenched, her body rigid. “No!” She pleaded to Bull. “I don’t want to sleep here, we can leave,” she said, her voice rising with agitation, “go to Redcliffe, sleep on the Imperial Highway or at a farm somewhere, I can’t remain _here_.” Her form deflated, shoulders caving inward and quiet sobs of exhaustion threatened to weaken her further. “Bull, please.”

_Shit_ , Bull thought, helping Sofia to sit. She’d somehow learned a name-his name- one he didn’t want her to speak. Whatever was between them had already gone too far; he wasn’t supposed to do more than earn her trust. Sharing her bed wasn’t in the plan, it happened. If she were receiving information about him, Bull didn’t want to think about the consequences.

Solas and Dorian had exchanged a few words before Solas promised to return with a remedy.

Something in Sofia’s posture drew Bull’s attention. Her head drooped little by little body caving in to the need for sleep only to be shaken awake in a sudden lurch back to her upright sitting position. Bull moved beside her. “Hey. I’ll stand guard if you want to sleep; I promise to watch over you.” The thought someone might work through Sofia to get to him complicated things. He’d have to keep close, figure out the informant’s identity, and then decide what to do.

l-l-l

Solas returned not long after, assisted by Sofia’s runner. Her evening tea had been replaced, and as Bull listened to Solas’ explanation, he heard the lie.

“The tea is bitter, I fear. The mix of herbs even with the honey added does little for the flavor, but it will sever your connection to the Fade for a time. Perhaps with uninterrupted sleep,” he paused, “you will feel refreshed.”

She grimaced with the first sip but continued at Solas’ urging.

_The elf lies well enough_ , Bull thought, _all that Fade crap. Either Sofia is too tired to notice, or she doesn’t care._ Bull considered the possibility of Solas for only a moment. _He’s too caught up in his own agenda to give a shit about what I’m doing here._ There were a few that Bull considered as potential adversaries, none stronger than the Spymaster. Leliana hadn’t bothered to speak with him since he arrived, most of her communications delivered by a runner or through the Chargers. Even if she didn’t trust him, the information funneled through him by the Ben-Hassrath had been helpful to the Inquisition. She’d have little reason to risk the alliance, no matter how weak.

Varric had potential to be an informant. He was far too crafty for a simple dwarf as he claimed. A gambler, he knew how to deal to win. So far, Bull hadn’t caught on to anything off in Varric’s behavior. Sera posed no threat, a few drinks, and she spilled every secret, and none offered him anything he didn’t already know. The court enchanter and the Warden both kept to themselves and other than their own agendas, Bull needed more time to study their motivations.

That left Dorian. A Vint. The problem with Dorian? He’d attached himself to Sofia’s hip. Bull knew enough about Dorian to push back if needed, but other than taking an interest in Sofia’s magic skills, Dorian seemed harmless.

Sofia’s loud and uncharacteristic yawn broke through Bull’s mental assessments. Helping her to the bed, Bull heard muttered prayers mixed in with her yawns. She reached for him to stay with her, but Bull handed her a pillow to clutch, instead promising to stay at her bedside.   

“Meravas adim kata,” Sofia whispered, shaking her head, she gripped the pillow tighter in her hands. “Meravas adim kata.” She yawned, the potion spiked tea working through her until Sofia’s eyes closed and breathing slowed.

“Teaching the lady Qunlat now?” Dorian clucked his tongue, “I’m surprised at you, Bull.”

Bull stared at Sofia. He’d never taught her anything above a few words and this phrase was not among those _. A death sentence was not something she’d pick up in casual conversation. Who is talking to her?_  “She didn’t learn that from me.”

A knot in Solas’ brow revealed concern. “What is its meaning?”

“It’s not good. Let’s just leave it at that.” Bull’s eyes held Sofia’s sleeping form. _Someone is messing with me through her_ , he thought, _and now I’m pissed_. “So that tea, it just helped her sleep. I’m guessing the rest was a convenient lie. Now, no horseshit, how long will these nightmares continue?”

Leaning against the bannister, Dorian straightened and shrugged. “I don’t know. If the cause were a curse of some kind or magic, then perhaps we might offer her a reprieve, but for now she must endure.”

Bull’s disbelieving grunt and crossed arms left little doubt to his frustration. “So, we let her suffer like this forever? Nah, sorry. I’m not all right with that.”

It was Solas’ turn to answer. “Nothing endures forever; the mere idea of such immortality withers sanity with each passing decade.” He moved toward the bed, his voice soft and gentle. “We dream to stay on this side of madness; a reprieve granted by some unknown hand and perhaps it is by this benevolence we are permitted to enter the Fade.”

Dorian nodded. “I would agree, but in this case, the Inquisitor is tormented. Why here? What is it about returning to Skyhold that triggers these nightmares?”

Pausing as if he searched for an answer, Solas offered his thoughts. “Stones and earth do not dream, but when magic has seeped within the cracks and crevices and formed its foundation they become undeniably alive,” Solas said, “perhaps in her attunement to these higher forms of magic, she is reaching further than her mind can comprehend.”

Watching her slip into a state of calm, eyes closed and breathing slowing, Bull knew one thing to be true. When she woke, Sofia would be pissed off at every one of them for lying to her.

The three continued their conversation. Another sought to enter the Inquisitor’s room; his soft steps unheard by the group until his impossibly wide brimmed hat attracted Solas’ attention. “Cole?”

Not looking at those standing in front of him, Cole’s silent moves carried him toward Sofia. “I was told to come,” his whisper soft voice did little to disturb her rest. “The message is too loud, and it hurts her heart.”

Bull didn’t fully understand Cole, but he knew the kid wouldn’t have shown unless he thought to make a difference. “Can you help her?”

“Possibly,” he answered with a tilt of his head, “but she has to understand the message, once she does, the pain will end and then, I can help.”

The twitch of Bull’s jaw a gut reaction to the boy’s words, but he didn’t see Cole as an adversary. They agreed on one thing, Sofia needed them both. The rest would have to wait.  


	2. Chapter 2

Sofia knew they ventured in the right direction as the repugnant scent of tallow wax burning grew stronger. It kept the torches lit far longer, but she could never forget it was made from rendered animal fat, its noxious odor forever burned in her memory.

“So this is the Darvaarad,” Sofia said, taking in all the shattered Eluvians. Somewhere deep within the Qunari barracks, Sofia hoped to find answers. Finding the dead warrior at the Winter Palace had led all of them to this place. Anxiety gnawed at her resolve, but despite her fears, she couldn’t stop. Sofia believed she’d found the path leading to the end of this journey.

Cole matched her steps. “No, it isn’t the end of anything. This is the Fade, only . . .louder.”

Surprise widened her eyes, her confusion at Cole’s appearance forcing her to step back. “Cole? But you. . .when did you?” She’d left him at the Winter Palace, asked him to watch for signs of trouble. “You should not be here.” 

The passage of time slowed, torches ebbed and swelled to bulbous circles of flame, and her companions stood motionless, each facing away from her. In the distance, Ben-Hassrath agents stood frozen in time, gripping their weapons in perfect stillness as statues warning of an impending attack. 

“They lied to you; your tea carried with it a potion for sleep. There is no reprieve from your nightmare.  _ This _ is your nightmare.” Cole’s form faded until he was no longer visible.

Time sped once more, Dorian calling attention to the approaching agents. “Whatever the reason,” Dorian spoke as though he was answering a question Sofia hadn’t heard. “This is no warm welcome.” 

Sofia cast her barrier on the party, readying her staff, until Cole’s voice whispered instructions. “You do not have to fight the illusion. Close your eyes, count with me.” 

_ Three. . .two. . .one.  _

“Sofia!” Dorian lifted Sofia to her feet. “Try not to die, would you please?”

“Where are we?” Blinking away the haze from her vision, Sofia rubbed her head. “Where’s Cole?” 

Dorian’s laugh and light pat on her arm confused Sofia even more. “Cole? When did you last speak with him?”  

She searched the courtyard, nothing spared thanks to the exploding barrels of gaatlock; the explosive had marred everything in sight war equipment, crates and stone. Bodies lay in bloody heaps while Blackwall and Varric salvaged whatever they could loot. “He was just here, we were at the entrance, and he told me. . .something.” Her voice trailed off, trying to remember what Cole had said. 

Sofia realized Dorian hadn’t blinked or taken a breath when Cole’s form stepped out from behind him. “I said this isn’t real. This is a reflection, it’s one path, but not the only path. The stones don’t know it hurts, they don’t know how else to speak,” he paused, “I will do what I can, but this is not the message. This is the warning.” 

She’d grown accustomed to Cole’s vague and often cryptic explanations, but even he seemed a loss how to explain. “What message and why am I receiving a warning, Cole? Who is trying to talk to me?” Searching the area, Sofia’s eye noticed an odd sight nearby.

To her right an alcove held an elaborate vault door, comprised of stone and metal, the impossible lock pulled Sofia’s attention from Cole. Despite his calls to her not to stray, Sofia allowed her curiosity to carry her before the door. She reached toward huge metal pins with heads fastened from iron and allowed her fingers to test the sharpened tips. “What do you suppose rests behind this beast of a door?” 

_ “Meravas adim kata!” _

The disembodied female voice carried through the door, dark and menacing. Sofia shivered and for a moment considering abandoning the desire to continue. Her fear lessened as more words followed; she leaned closer straining to listen. 

“ _ Hissrad!”  _

Another more familiar voice, deep and commanding sounded through the thick barrier. 

_ “Good call leaving me behind. The Viddasala asked me to lend a hand though. Nothing personal.”  _

_ Bull _ , she thought,  _ he’s alone in there _ . Sofia pulled at the mechanism unsure how to lose the bolts holding the door in place. “Cole, I need to open this door, Bull is inside!”

Cole appeared beside her. “It is not time for you to open this door.” He turned from her, muttering to himself. “I don’t know how to make her understand." 

“Cole?” Sofia spun around swaying from the abrupt motion. Her hand shook reaching for her forehead, and a sudden wave of nausea unsteadied her. 

_ This is what you need to see _ , Cole’s voice spoke in her head. 

The scent of tallow and sweat disappeared in a gust of wind, replaced by the salted air of the sea and rain drenched earth. Sofia’s eyes closed, and she stumbled sideways, held firm by a strong hand.

“Thank you,” she said, taking in the surroundings. A muted sun struggled to shine through heavy clouds, but strong winds held the sky cover tight in its trek across the sky. Far below, a high surf sent waves crashing against rocky outcroppings. “This is. . .this is the Storm Coast.” 

Cole nodded. “This is where the choice will be made; this is what the stone’s voice wanted you to know. The choice sets the path and what waits on the other side of the door.” 

His pale hand pointed toward the Waking Sea, drawing Sofia’s attention. A pair of massive ships approached the coast, a configuration she’d never seen before. Growing up, Sofia had seen merchant ships and small craft on the Waking Sea, but nothing could hold back her awe. 

The hull stretched in six massive sections from the bow to the stern, she couldn’t guess the length, but suspected it to be nearly three times a standard merchant ship. The bow presented a terrible front; a menacing spiked prow pierced the water’s surface as it advanced toward the shore. Five long oars sprouted from each of the four sections, and Sofia guessed the same number would be found on the opposite side for balance. Forty oars in total moved in unison when the ship pitched into the rolling sea.

 Sofia heard a resounding blast; the low resonant sound somewhat familiar. Buried in her memories she knew its purpose-a call to war.  “Those are . . . Qunari war ships!”

She paced on the cliff precipice, searching for help. “Cole, where are our people?” Eyes darted from cliff to cliff, a sudden movement far below on an opposite shore caught her attention. “The Chargers?” Recognition turned to panic as another group emerged on a path to intercept the company she’d come to know and respect. “Where’s Bull?”

Fire and ice spells pinned the Chargers to the coastline with no hope of escape. “We need to help them, I have to get closer!” Sofia shook his arm, surprised that Cole, who had always been the first to remind her of the people, stood still and did nothing. Her mind reeled.

_ I’m not close enough to help _ , Sofia thought,  _ why are they here? _   Turning to Cole once more, she apologized before lifting the brim of his hat. “Get me down there Cole, they’ll die!” 

A slow shake of his head answered before he did, but his soft and unemotional response chilled her. “The decision was made.”

She stepped back in horror. “Who decided? Why wasn’t I told? Where is Bull?” 

Once more Cole raised his arm and pointed upward. The cliff front nearest to them on the left revealed three figures. Sofia recognized Bull with little effort, his broad shoulders and towering height both easily recognizable. 

To Bull’s left, an unknown person stood staring down at the encounter, but it was the figure on the right that shocked her. “That’s me!” The white battlemage coat couldn’t be a coincidence. Bull and that ridiculous coat. She couldn’t think on him or his fantasies, not when there were two of her. “How am I here and there?” 

Turning to face Cole once more, he apologized. “I need you to see one more thing.” 

Her vision blurred and the sensation of shifting through the air set her within steps of Bull. 

“Bull! You can’t just stand there! Do something!” 

Cole’s strong grip held her. “They can’t hear you. Please, you need to understand to be freed.” 

An elf she did not know spoke in warning tones to Bull. “You need to do what’s right, Hissrad.”

_ Hissrad. Hissrad is Bull. _   Sofia shook her head, hand covering her gasp. The name that invoked such a fear in its utterance belonged to the one she trusted above all others. “The name I fear . . . is his?” Tears welled in her eyes. “Then the door . . . he was . . . it can’t be.” Bull stood against the Inquisition. Her thoughts rebelled at the thought Bull would betray her.  “He wouldn’t stand against me, not after we’d . . . I don’t-” 

The other Sofia didn’t face Bull. “I’m so sorry, Kadan. We have to protect the alliance and save those ships. You don’t have to watch, look away.” The woman with her voice reached for Bull’s hand. 

Even standing behind the group she saw it happen. Bull shifted to his left out of reach; fists tightening as fingers constricted appearing to grind against one another. He didn’t look away; Bull rolled his shoulders back and settled on his boots. 

Watching the interaction unseen, Sofia followed his focus. Bull didn’t watch the loss of his men; instead she realized the attention and anger she witnessed was directed to the other Sofia.  

Looking to Cole for an answer, Sofia’s legs weakened and buckled. There was something soothing in his grip as Cole helped her to stand. “I have to fix this,” she said, “I wouldn’t  _ do _ this, not to him, not to anyone. Cole, we have to fix this right now. We have to make it right.” 

“It hasn’t happened. Not yet. But now you understand the message, I have to make you forget everything. I am . . .so sorry.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

_I’m so sorry._ Cole’s voice and apology echoed in her dream, fading with images of the places she’d seen. Remnants remained; a fragmented word and fleeting images grabbed tight to her memory as offerings of peace from the magical torment.

Voices murmured around her; Sofia’s eyes opened taking time to adjust to wakefulness. A warm hand covered hers. _Bull_ , she thought, letting the sleep induced haze lift.

“Hey,” he said feigning a light laugh, “bet you’re pissed, but it looks like the kid helped. You slept.”

“I can’t remember.” Closing her eyes, Sofia tried to remember any part of her nightmare. “Everything I saw was so real and now there’s. . .nothing.”

Sofia’s behavior brought Dorian and Solas closer to her bedside. “Forgive me,” Dorian said, “but I must have misunderstood. You remember nothing?”

For a moment, Sofia reacted to the group in her chambers, until she realized she’d slept in her clothes. The momentary concern lapsed into muddled thoughts. “I remember tallow and fire,” she said, staring at nothing in particular, her eyes unfocused.  “Sea air, ships and,” she rubbed her temples as if the act might coax the memory free, “a choice.”

Dorian’s sharp glance toward Bull elicited a quiet question. “Sofia, do you remember speaking Qunlat?”

She shook her head. “Was I?”

The pause in conversation allowed Solas to offer a possibility. “Tell me Inquisitor, do you have any recollection of Cole?”

“Cole?”  Sofia shifted on her bed, sliding her form to sit on the edge of the mattress.  She stared at her feet. “Cole was there, I think . . . I can’t remember.”

Solas nodded, offering his thoughts. “I suspected as much, this was the topic we discussed while the Inquisitor slept.  Skyhold rests on ancient magic which keeps us safe and protected. It is within the realm of possibility it was this magic at the root of the Inquisitor’s nightmares.”

“What does that have to do with Cole?”  

Sofia heard Bull’s question, but she remained silent wondering what had happened while she slept.

“Inquisitor, shall I continue or would you prefer to rest and discuss this another time?”

A half smile and quick words from her urged Solas to continue. A slight bow in deference preceded his explanation. “Cole joined us without request. It begs the question, how did he know the seriousness of the affliction?” Solas looked to Dorian. “Cole was not present when you arrived to ask for my help, was he in the Rest?”

Stepping forward, Dorian’s eyes looked to the floor before he answered. “I wasn’t in the Rest; I was crossing the courtyard when the young lady approached, but I can’t recall seeing Cole.”

Her brows drew closer as she worked through what little she knew. “Something else told Cole to offer help.”

The slightest hint of a smile crossed Solas’ face. “Yes, Inquisitor and your chosen description is appropriate. _Something_ compelled Cole to intervene, and he obliged, quite well it seems; your untroubled sleep and current state results from that intervention. I doubt Cole will offer anything further on what took place, but it is thanks to him that serenity is yours.”

Another half-smile and a slow blink of her eyes offered silent thanks to those gathered and to the one missing. With little else to offer, Dorian and Solas left Sofia’s quarters; she waited until the door closed to approach Bull. “I’m sorry if I worried you, I feel. . . lighter- if that makes sense,” she said, stepping closer to rest her head against his chest.  

“Yeah, it does.”

Bull hesitated before returning her hug.  “Is something wrong?”

“No, but there are things we should talk about later.”  He stepped back and smiled. “For now, get your ass back to bed.”

“I feel like I could sleep for a week,” she said with a laugh, “but I suppose the world hasn’t been saved yet, so sleep must wait.”

Sofia tried to shift around him, but Bull blocked her. “Get some rest, Sof. I’ll check in on you later.”

Leaving Sofia alone hadn’t been in his plan, but he needed to distance himself. Bull took the stairs at a slow pace, thinking as he descended. _It’s all too convenient, the kid shows, and after weeks of nightmares,_ _suddenly_ _Sofia can’t remember a thing and she’s fine._

“I don’t like it,” he said, reaching the first landing.

A voice behind him, young and familiar answered Bull’s concern. “I’m sorry, I had to help.”

A quick shift turned Bull around to face Cole sitting on the top step. “You did a good thing.”

“Then, why are you so angry?”

 _Good point_ , Bull thought, realizing Cole wasn’t playing with him, he was expressing concern. “It’s. . .complicated.”

“I don’t understand.” Cole’s head tipped down, his face completely obstructed by the brim of his hat. “If you care about her, why would you be so angry? Why hurt her?”

A scowl appeared on Bull’s face, the accusation still in the air. “Now hold on, no one is hurting Sofia, not while I’m here. What are you talking about? Who’s hurting her?”

Cole’s words carried sadness in them as he spoke. “I saw it, but I helped her forget and soon I will too. Sometimes it’s better not to know.”

Bull said nothing more, leaving Cole on the stairwell; his inward focus dissecting what he’d seen and heard. His distraction almost carried him into a runner.  

“Iron Bull, Ser. Message from Sister Leliana, she needs to speak with you.”

l-l-l

The mission seemed straightforward enough; cement the alliance between the Ben-Hassrath and the Inquisition.  Leliana and Cullen expressed deep reservations. With little information, and even less confidence in the so-called alliance, Sofia looked to Bull for reassurances.  He’d given her none.

They arrived at the Storm Coast a day early; the storms proved so intense it drove the Inquisition to wait at the Hessian Camp before continuing to the rendezvous.  Shivering from the cold, Sofia sat apart from the others; an uncharacteristic sense of dread settled in her from the moment of their arrival.

One by one her companions attempted various appeals, and each time Sofia thanked them but preferred to remain alone. She couldn’t understand why Bull had pulled away from her once her nightmares had stopped. Even on the journey to the Coast, Bull avoided all contact, claiming the watch at the rear of the group with the Chargers.

Sofia regretted her decision to sit away from the fire pits; the raw night air cutting through her with each gust.

She heard the lumbering steps nearing her resting place and sat straighter hoping to fool whomever approached.  Bull ducked as he entered the stable, holding out his hand to her.

“Come on, you’re freezing. Your lips are blue.”

“That’s the moonlight, not my lips. I’m good thanks; you don’t have to worry about me.”

Bull’s sigh carried with a slight grumble. “All right, let’s talk.”

Shaking her head, she shifted away from the conversation. “You don’t owe me anything. It was fun, I get it. I guess I let myself get a little too deep. I’ll live.”

He crouched and slid closer to her until Bull could sit comfortable next to Sofia. “That’s not it, Sof,” he said, “I don’t like this. Something isn’t right. Your nightmares end and this request arrives. Nah, Sofia. I don’t like this at all.”

She drew her knees up, gripping her legs with both hands. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” She laughed. “Listen to me. I sound like a young girl who’s been dumped.”

“Dumped? Sofia, no.”  He offered his hand once more. “Take it, Kadan.”

Bull spoke to her about his concerns. He wondered if the mission was a test; he couldn’t be sure if it was directed at the Inquisition or at him, but the request seemed off. Whoever sent the appeal directed it to Leliana and until then that wasn’t the procedure. “So you see Sof,” Bull said, “I don’t want to influence you. You do what you have to.” He paused. “Now, how about telling me why you’re hiding here. You’ve been pissed at me a few times and managed to throw nasty looks across the fire. Hiding isn’t you. What’s going on?”

Scooting closer, Sofia lifted Bull’s arm to rest against him. “Promise you won’t say I’ve gone mad?”

He laughed. “I’d never say that, Sof,” he said, “crazy is more my preferred word choice.”

“Bull,” her warning tone elicited a stronger laugh.

“All right, I promise. No cracks about being nuts. Got it.”

Sofia huddled closer. “I’ve been here. All of this, and I don’t know how.”

She felt the tears rise in her eyes, wondering how to explain it all. “This moment- the two of us sitting here talking it’s. . .familiar, but the memory isn’t there only. . .fear.”

Enveloping her in her arms, he promised to keep her safe. “No one will get near you. Stick close, all right?”

Sofia nodded;  content to rest in his arms, she closed her eyes to wait for sleep. Bull’s deep inhales lulled her with such ease she almost missed his question.

“You still awake? There’s something I should tell you, Sofia.”

With a heavy sigh she asked if it could wait, she doubted remaining awake long enough to listen.

“Yeah, it’ll keep.”

l-l-l

All around Sofia, chaos reigned. On the Waking Sea the dreadnaught was set upon by the Venatori, and far below the Chargers faced more of their forces.  High atop a cliff, their Ben-Hassrath contact Gatt continued to prod Bull until Sofia’s aggravation and frustration added to her worsening mood.

The urgency of her dilemma gripped Sofia’s chest; save the dreadnaught and the alliance with the Ben-Hassrath or watch the Chargers meet death. Gatt’s nagging for Bull to decide helped Sofia find her voice.

“The decision is mine,” Sofia said.

Despite her words, Sofia sought Bull’s thoughts, but he remained silent. The gale winds from the sea nearly toppled her, until Bull shifted where he stood, blocking the wind’s path. Catching her breath, the scent of the Storm Coast sparked a vague memory.   _Sea air and salt_ , she thought. _I was here, but how?_

Bull’s silence carried with it an expectant look, almost a plea for her to decide since he would not, but with Gatt’s endless chastisements, Sofia couldn’t think.   _A choice, that’s what this is about, but which is the right choice? I can’t let the Chargers die._

Gatt’s voice rose louder, aggravating Sofia until she sought an end to his interference. “Would you please, shut up!”  Sofia faced Bull, her hand grasping his arm. “Don’t listen to him. Save the Chargers. Sound the retreat.”

His mouth dropped for a moment as if shocked at her decision before Bull nodded and used the signal horn. Standing as close to the edge as she dared, she witnessed the Chargers’ retreat. “We’re leaving Bull, we’ll meet up with the others."

“You risked everything, including Hissrad’s life to save a few men?” Gatt spat his words out. “You don’t understand what you’ve done, Inquisitor.”

Sofia halted her steps; her advance against Gatt so deliberate his shuffling back steps almost caused him to fall. “The Iron Bull and his men are under my protection,” Sofia lifted her hand brandishing the anchor, “it would be ill advised to seek any retribution against them.”  Gatt’s wide eyed stare didn’t shift from her even when she lowered her hand.  “Now, we are leaving.” Sofia hoped she’d scared the Ben-Hassrath agent.

Her head and heart blazed as Sofia traversed the faint path down the cliffside; still fuming when the Chargers reached the Inquisition camp, she ordered them all to get moving and head south. She’d avoided everyone, especially Bull. He’d lied to her. The extent of his lies she did not know, but it was his willingness to do so, to use her.

Three nights into their return, Bull approached Sofia’s tent.  “Any chance you’d let me explain?”

Sofia listened to Bull’s explanation; he assured her the Chargers weren’t aware of his orders. Bull shared everything he knew, and everything he suspected they might face in the wake of the failed mission. “Although, you scared the crap out of Gatt; it might be some time before the Ben-Hassrath come looking for me.”

Without meeting his eyes, Sofia answered him. “Good. Let them come.” She picked at her thumbnail, unsure what to say and unwilling to turn the conversation to a more intimate topic. As he leaned toward her, Sofia froze; she wasn’t prepared for what Bull said next.

“I doubt you’ll believe me,” Bull said, “but you and me, it wasn’t an act. It’s not an act, Sof.”

Shaking her head, Sophia disagreed. “Right now, I need a little space. I’m not sure who you are, Bull.” Scoffing as she spoke his name, she met his confession head on. “Hissrad. That’s your real name isn’t it?”  

He sighed and moved toward the tent flap. “It was, but that’s not who I am. Not anymore, Sofia.”

“I don’t know. You tried to tell me something, but I was too tired. Give me a little time.”

“Yeah, I get it; I guess I don’t blame you. I meant what I said Sof-about us,” he said before heading out of the tent. Bull stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Sweet dreams, Kadan.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to TheRareFereldanCatLord for the prompt!


End file.
